Seriously?… You want me to do what?

kevin hart!You MUST be out of your mind!… Those were my first comments when my boyfriend of 17 years decided he was tired of lying and ‘needed’ to come clean about having another relationship…. Great Job Genius! You felt that today, right now, was the best time to drop this bomb on me? He says so sincerely, “It’s not that I don’t love you Babe. I just love her too. She reminds me of you but different. I think in another life the two of you would be friends. I want you to meet her… one day.”

He must be crazy! What makes him think I’ve even going to be around long enough to meet anyone!… Why are my palms sweating?… I’m having an anxiety tonight.  Am I not enough? I’ve been there through everything and this is how he repays me… Who DOES HE THINK I AM? I’m not some whore that he just met off the street…. I’m his confidant…. I’m his best friend… Or so I thought. OMG! How long has this been going on? He’s gonna leave me! Wait, I don’t need him…. I’m not sharing him… again. Dear God this is not happening.black and white p

Breathe… So after some thought and prayer I think its best we just cut all ties. My response to your comment yesterday put me in a place of wanting to say and do things that are unhealthy for me. I need to take control of my life and that can not include you. I’ve spent the last 16 years hoping and praying that you would realize the gem that I am and finally PICK ME. I keep giving… and giving… and giving (emotionally and physically). The only problem with that is that I’ve drowned in the process. I no longer feel the’safety of home’ when I am with you. And I’m done. The final door is closing. This is goodbye….

I wonder what she looks like. I bet she ugly. No she can’t be. He really does have good taste in women. He chose me didn’t he.  She must be smart. We have great debates. But all the lies. I wonder if she even knows who I am. I wonder who’s better: she or me. It has to be me. But she must be doing something to keep his interest. That task doesn’t come easy. I need to meet her…

download (13)Maybe this could… Wait! I hate when you do this. Somehow I allowed you to twist how I feel and what I want. Maybe we should see if this could work. I take that back. I love you but I love me more. No we can’t be friends because we aren’t friends on the same accord. Dealing with you drains the life out of me. I never know who I’m getting and obviously I don’t know who you are. Our love is tainted because of you. Seriously? What you are asking is not even healthy. How can I not lose a piece of me.

Lose a piece of me? He reminds me he is me. He is home. And the truth of the matter is I KNOW HIM better than anyone. I’ve always know him and knows me. He knows me and still loves me.  It’s possible. This could work. “Yes Babe. We’ve done this before. There was a time when YOU loved three of us all at the same time.” There was and I truly learned each and every one of you. This could work. I want to meet her.

You are amazing. I can see why he loves you. He talks about you all the time. This is what she said to ME when we meet for the first time. And the funny thing is that I can see why he loves her too. She tells me I’m beautiful and suddenly all of my fears melt away. I feel safe again. I want to know more about her. I want to see where this can lead…download (14)

19 comments

  1. Steven

    It takes exceptional people, self-assured and confident, to do this, but it is possible. I used to feel guilty and somehow flawed that I felt this way about two women at once, but I knew they could be good friends, if only….. It was not meant to be. Only one stuck with me.

    • MsFrench Kiss

      Thank you Steven. My BF also felt the same way you speak of. I knew that he was a good man so I felt in my heart that she couldn’t be a horrible person. He used to say, “I know this is only wishful thinking.”

    • MsFrench Kiss

      Thank you Kato. It Truly was an emotional time. But the more I thought about how ridiculous it sounded, the more it seemed to make sense. I hope you and “others” continue to follow my journey.

  2. Free

    I read this piece in my spoken word voice, because I felt that the flow from it fit :)
    I wish u all the success in your journey and writing
    Love ,
    Free

  3. Free

    I read this piece in my spoken word voice , just because the flow from it fit ;)
    I wish you all the success in your journey and writing
    Free

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