Ask Aunty: Black & What Now?

aunty

Ask Aunty is a regular feature of Black & Poly where real people ask about their polyamorous relationships. Aunty is here for you, so ask away!

Dear Aunty,

Why are there white people in the Black & Poly Facebook group?

Black Nation Builder

Dear Aunty,

Why do the admins silence white voices in the Facebook group?

Social Justice White Person

Y'all are looking at two sides of the same coin. Black & Poly was started by Ron Young to be for black people transitioning to polyamory. Not black allies, black people's lovers, and certainly not for white people. White people have their own blogs, books, and groups about polyamory. White people will even tell you they straight up invented polyamory.

The problem is, white people don't know how black folks are. We know how Aunt Clara always had "friends" who liked to visit late at night. How our distant Nation of Islam cousin was actually married to three women. How our other cousin is always talking about "nation-building." Black & Poly is a space to acknowledge and define black nonmonogamy for the black community, past and present. So when new people come to B&P looking for advice, they find people who have lived through the same stuff--unicorn hunting, jealousy, new relationship energy. Not only that, we lived it while being black, not just poly. Consider us your elders at the church who smack you upside the head if you're not listening to the sermon.

Don't get it twisted, though. Some of us are biracial or multiracial, and some of us love and are loved by people who are not black. That's why B&P is open to everyone. Love is color blind, and who am I to say your red head needs social justice classes STAT? (Well, I am, but you do you.) This isn't a fishbowl for others to examine us, but it's a good place to learn how to interact with the black community and occasionally hear from non-black poly veterans.

Because it's still a group for black folks. When non-black people comment and say our way of poly is wrong or this is the actual history, they are taking away our voices. You know how you'll argue with Uncle Mike about everything, but as soon as someone steps to him you're "brothers 4 life?" The B&P family sticks up for itself. Non-black voices are welcome as long as they recognize they are guests. Sometimes we're gonna tell you to take a seat. Maybe several seats. Maybe several seats outside the room. At the end of the day, people coming to B&P may have a lot to learn, and we want them to learn from people like us.

Editor's note: I am not an admin of the Facebook group, but the blog is an outgrowth of their work. If you've found yourself rejected from the Facebook group, browse our Poly 101 articles so that you have an idea of what polyamory is and is not. You can always reapply as long as you answer the three questions appropriately and have not broken the group rules.

Do you have a question for Aunty? Comment below or use our contact form!

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