Long Distance Relationships



Let’s talk Long Distance Relationships, or LDRs as they’re usually abbreviated. In my personal polyamory journey, over 95% of my relationships have been considered long distance. I’m currently in two long distance relationships. 

Many people in the poly community shy away from long distance relationships. I’ve heard several reasons why people are for them and why people are against them. One of the biggest reasons that people are against them is that they would like to be able to see their poly loves several times during the week. Being able to be physical and intimate with your love(s) is an important factor, especially for those of us whose primary love language is physical touch or quality time.

The lack of time and money is another reason why others would shy away from a LDR. Naturally, a long distance relationship would require both. I will admit this reason is very valid and I feel the same way. I would love to see my loves on a regular basis. Its hard when you want to be able to cuddle your bf/gf but they’re 5 states away. Lately, I’ve been struggling with the desire to see my loves more often but we’ve stayed in constant communication, and that has been a reassurance.

Here are a few reasons why LDR’s work for some people. Some people work grueling hours or have limited free time. I’ve heard people say that they are simply too busy to devote their time to seeing a love often. Having an LDR gives them the freedom to be able to live their lives, and when they have time to spare they make plans with him or her to spend quality together.

Maybe there’s a limited dating pool of poly people of color to date in their city. If you live in the Midwest, like I do, or in the Bible Belt South, you already know how hard it is to find a poly partner let alone a poly person of color. Most of the larger concentrations of poly people of color are in the major cities like NYC, Atlanta or the DMV area.

Other people simply prefer to not have their loves always around and LDRs work for them. Some people simply embrace the idea of having someone in a different city to visit with often. It can be an awesome experience when you’ve set up a date to travel by plane or Greyhound bus to see your love in another city.

If you’ve decided that long distance relationships are something you want to try, but you struggle with seeing your loves, what are some ways that you can stay connected with them? I’ve heard a few great ideas that people have used to stay in touch.

  • Video chats. Thanks to technology and the Internet we can video chat with our loves no matter where in the world they are. We have now have phones that have video capabilities, social media with video messaging and other video conferencing methods like Skype.
  • Video dates. Recently, I saw someone mention having a movie date on Skype. Both people watch an agreed upon movie on Netflix together. The same can be done with a television series online. Video dates can be anything that the both of you agree upon, whether it be reading a few passages of a book to cooking a recipe together.
  • Journaling. One of my LDRs is D/s based, and my Dominant requires that I journal her everyday with my thoughts and feelings. This can be used also for those lovers who want to keep in touch in a more intimate way. If you want a more tactile way to keep in touch, you and your love can exchange physical journals and write in them daily, and when you see each other exchange them.
  • Phone calls and text messages. Yes, the old fashioned phone calls and text messages always work. There are so many free text apps that are available out there. And of course a phone call to hear your love’s voice every now and then feels so good.

How do you make Long Distance Relationships work?