2021 Black & Poly Global Meetup

Happy 2021 Black & Poly Members!

2020 was a hard year for everyone, but we at Black & Poly are excited about new ways to connect. Announcing our very first global Black & Poly meetup!

Whether you are new to the community or been here since the beginning, please join us Sunday, January 17th at 4pm EST.

Missed it? Sign up here to get notified about the next event!


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Black & Poly Dating

For five years, Black & Poly has been your resource for information on polyamory and diversity in the black community. Now, we are offering a dating service tailored to your needs!

Introducing Black & Poly Dating!

B&P Dating

-Inclusive: Open to all genders, sexual orientations, and poly configurations

-Educational: Resources to help you on your poly journey

-Worldwide: Celebrating black-identified people and those who love them

-Free for Everyone!

Most of the features are free, but you can become a Premium member to create groups and send unlimited messages per hour. Premium membership is just $2.99 a month!

Sign up now for Black & Poly Dating. Join 11,000 other members and find your future partners!

Black & Poly Fifth Anniversary

What a great celebration for Black & Poly’s Fifth Anniversary! Limited edition shirts and more are for sale in our shop!

Fun in the Sun

We spent the weekend in sunny Los Angeles. Guests enjoyed drinks on Friday night, a chilly pool on Saturday morning, and attractions on Saturday afternoon!

Fellowship and Fun

We met up with old and new friends and danced the night away. Our hosts at the Hilton Garden Inn were gracious and welcoming.

Hollywood Stars

Dossie Easton, author of The Ethical Slut, and actors from the show Compersion met us on the red carpet during the anniversary dinner. Poet Ifalade Tashia Asanti premiered her poem just for Black & Poly.

Find Your Local Group

Want to connect with B&P offline? Find out if there’s a Meetup group in your area. If not, consider becoming an organizer!

We Remain Freed

By Ifalade Tashia Asanti

Long before poly was a definition in the Webster dictionary,
Black people were loving this way
1 woman, 2 men
2 women, 1 man
3 women, 4 men
5 men, 3 women
All loved

We worked

Planted life-giving food in fertile soil
Grew our passion

Healed ourselves
Shared knowledge and taught wisdom
Birthed and fed beautiful brown bodies with our spiritual food
Transitioned our Elders
Died, returned and were born again
Our erotic was as sacred as prayer
Kneeling to please our beloved was as holy as how we praised the Divine
An orgasm was a sermon speaking of freedom and pleasure to a willing congregation

As we made medicine for the roots of ancestral wombs
Worshipped the phallus as a God
Cast reflections from the walls of pyramids bearing images of the ancient ways in which we touched
Uttered invocation for the release of life lived in harmony with the universe
Back then, we did not need labels or definitions
For we were love and lived in love
There was no fear of being stolen

For we belonged to each other yet remained free
We saw spirit in kindred souls before there was speech or words
Reconnected with husbands and wives from other lifetimes
We recognized the rhythm of heartbeats in strangers
We kissed in Yoruba and made love in Swahili
We expressed our attraction through the beat of a conga and midnight dance to honor Haitian deities
We gave birth in the bellies of slave ships while our wives poured libation and lifted our babies up to the moon
We transformed brooms into sacred objects to legitimize our marriages
We raised another man’s children in the absence of their parents
And this is why Poly is so much more than a lifestyle for us—it is the flesh memory of how we survivedand thrived
How we broke bread and shared our wealth
How we baptized each other in sweet rivers
How we raised our children in safe communities
How we unearthed our purest desires
How we created art and music without paper or instruments
Turned foreign words and dry sentences into poetry
Made guttural hymns into floor-rocking gospel
Fancied our braids into crowns and turned wooden combs into Black power fists

So when they ask who gave you permission to love this way

Tell them you are the descendant of master innovators who had a love affair with the power of choice
Your chi cannot be caged
Your desires must be respected
Your needs must be, at the very least, heard
For if we respect our truth
If we speak power to our fire
If we serve our purpose with dignity and honor
No matter who is appointed or elected
No matter what laws they break or lies they tell
No matter what they do to our bodies
We will always, always, remain freeeeeeeeed!

© Noble Trinity Media, 2018 All Rights Reserved. No portion may be copied or distributed without permission of the author.

Celebrate Black & Poly

Special Anniversary T-Shirts

Fifth anniversary t-shirts are now on sale for $20 each! Order these limited-edition shirts by September 14 and get a special gift with your order.

All Star Speakers

Join founder Ron Young as he reflects on the history of Black & Poly. Don’t miss our very special guests Dossie Easton, author of The Ethical Slut, and Jackie Stone, producer of the show Compersion.

Pool Party and Movies

Your tickets for our September event include the Poolside Breakfast with Mimosas and the Munchies Meetup and Screening along with the anniversary dinner. Each attendee will receive a souvenir B&P wristband.

See the whole itinerary here.

Celebrate Black & Poly

In 2013, Ron Young started Black & Poly with the vision of creating a space for black families to love and learn together. Black & Poly is celebrating it’s fifth anniversary with a weekend-long party in Los Angeles! Here are just a few of the highlights for this exciting event, September 28-30, 2018.

Black Panther Theme

Our Saturday dinner is themed The Wakanda Edition based on the blockbuster movie Black Panther. Come dressed in your Wakanda-inspired outfits, and a gift bag of goodies will be given to the best dressed!

Poly Movie Screening

Author Peter Mack will host an evening of short films from black screenwriters, including the YouTube series Compersion.

Guest Speakers and Appearances

Some of your favorite Black & Poly contributors will be at the event, including Crystal Byrd Farmer, Evita Sawyers, and Sir Orpheus Black. Poet Ifalade TaShia Asanti will also do a reading. Our very special guests will be Dossie Easton, author of The Ethical Slut, and Jackie Stone, producer of the show Compersion.

Culture and Fun

Bring your family to see the sights in LA! We’ll start with roller skating at World on Wheels on Friday. Saturday early risers can hike to the Hollywood Sign before joining Ron Young and Kato Cooks at the Poolside Breakfast. In the afternoon we’ll tour the Venice Beach Boardwalk and the California African American Museum. We’ll chill out with board and table games before the big anniversary dinner.

Commemorative T-Shirts and Gifts

We will have all the Black & Poly swag for sale during and after the celebration. Our special edition shirts will be available for a limited time. Guests who purchase dinner will receive a free souvenir B&P wristband.

Get your tickets for our September celebration as soon as you can! $50 gets you in to all the major events of the weekend, including the anniversary dinner. Need a place to stay? The Hilton Garden Inn has a block of rooms just for the B&P family.

Want to see the whole itinerary? Click here.

Making the Most of Poly Meetups

If you are looking to expand your poly connections, a Meetup is a great way to meet like-minded people. This article will give you suggestions for how to make the most of your experience in the real world of polyamory.

Find your group

Black & Poly has several official groups on Meetup.com. Check out our official list, and if you don’t find one, try searching for “polyamory” on the site. Facebook also has groups geared toward in person meets. Read the group description carefully to see if it is primarily a discussion group, a dating group, or a social group. Outside of B&P, the majority of poly Meetups are majority white people, but you can still find people you can learn from and be friends with.

Go with the right intentions

Go to the first Meetup just to get an idea of the atmosphere. Be aware of the group rules and how they apply you. Interact with the leadership and long term members so that you have an idea of how the group operates. If you are more introverted, sit back and watch how people interact. Do most of them appear to be friends outside of the group? Does one person dominate the conversation? Do people have poly configurations that you are interested in?

Whatever you do, don’t go with the intention of finding a date right off the bat. Things can happen, but seasoned poly folk are hip to people who only come to hunt. Avoid monopolizing the time of the person you find most attractive. leadership will notice if you are too focused on one person. Spread your attention across the room. This will give potential partners an idea of how you interact with others and the chance to make friends.  This is especially true when you are at a mixed race Meetup. Feel free to make conversation with the other black people there, but talk to others to avoid giving the impression that you are part of a clique.

Come back

After you attend one Meetup, attempt to attend at least one other before giving up on the group. You may not like the vibe at one meeting, but you might enjoy it with a different mix of people. Attending other events lets the leadership know that you are there to be a part of the poly community, not just to find a date. Regular members become trusted members, and within time others may recommend people who you might be compatible with. You will also learn a lot about the different types of poly and common mistakes to avoid in relationships.

If you are a couple, try attending Meetups separately. Many poly people bring their partners to Meetups because they know they will have at least one person to talk to. However, you risk being viewed as unicorn hunters when you sit together the whole meeting and only talk to the same people. Separate yourselves and interact as individuals. Admit it if you are new to poly and unsure about process. Once again, do not try to pursue a date at your first Meetup. Have a conversation and tell them you hope to see them at the next one. If the person is showing interest, ask if you can contact them after the meeting. Do not assume that because someone spent time talking to you that they are interested in dating you.

But what about dating?

Once you have attended three or four Meetups, you will have a sense of the diversity and scope of the group. This is the time to focus on people you have a connection with. Keep an open mind: they may become partners, or they may become good friends. Try not to burden new friends with complaints about the dating world. Everyone knows finding compatible people is hard, and dwelling on it makes you seem desperate. Instead, talk about your shared interests and positive events from your life.

If you are a man or male-identified, do your best to allow the other person to take the lead. Women and femme-identified people are usually turned off by someone who asks a lot of personal questions, especially those related to their dating life and what kind of person they are looking for. They will volunteer that information if they are comfortable. If they like you, people will either seek you out at future events or ask for your contact information. That is not to say that you can’t ask to contact them in the future. Just be aware that you may be misjudging their interest. If you contact the person a few times and do not get much response, move on.

The same rule applies for couples. Do your best to talk to different people at events so you are not seen as inseparable. Even if you are looking for a triad, learn from others about their poly styles and experiences. Never ask a woman if she is “single.” If she’s at a poly event, she’s most likely already dating or looking for open configurations. It’s up to you to decide how to approach a person for a triad, but always be upfront about whether that person is going to date just you or both of you. Have that conversation after you have gotten their contact information and received a positive response back. Having this conversation at the Meetup will make the person feel cornered and uncomfortable, and the leadership may flag you as a possible bad fit for the group.

What if I hate talking to people?

Introverts are just as welcome at Meetups as others! Show your interest in being a part of the group by showing up to the events where you feel comfortable. Make an effort to connect to one or two people, and volunteer to help with something if that means you will feel less awkward. Follow the same advice if you are interested in someone as a partner. Ask if you can contact them later, or–if you are really shy–ask a mutual connection if they will contact them on your behalf.

Final thoughts

Meetups are a great way to connect with your local poly community. You will not always find someone you’re interested in dating–in fact, you may never meet someone who returns your interest. You will, however, build up a group of people who understand your situation and can provide advice or support. Leaders and regular members are highly aware of the people who show up at one meeting, don’t find what they are looking for, and never show up again. Don’t be that person. If the group is a good fit, stay active and be open to connections. The poly community is small, and your reputation will get passed around the more you are involved. That just might be the difference in finding fulfilling poly relationships.

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Call for Submissions

The Black & Poly magazine is live! We are looking for your experiences in nonmonogamy to share with the community. By sharing our stories, you are helping others learn about this lovestyle and to bring the black family closer together.

Submission Guidelines
We accept fiction and nonfiction posts relating to nonmonogamy and black identity. You do not have to be black or polyamorous, but your submission should be relevant to the community. If you are new to polyamory, feel free to submit your transitioning story or questions for upcoming Q&A. We accept all forms of media (written word, pictures, video, audio) as long as they are original and do not infringe on existing copyright. You are welcome to submit non-original content for consideration as long it is properly attributed.

Click here to submit your post or idea.

Confidentiality Notice
The Black & Poly website is publicly accessible on the internet. If you choose to use your legal name in your submission, you are responsible for safeguarding your personal information and relationship agreements in your posts. Please be cautious when discussing your location, marital status, job, children, other partners, social media profiles, illegal activity, and any other personally identifying information. Even when using an assumed name, you are ultimately responsible for what you post.

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